Expectations V Agreements - How to Shift from Frustration to Collaboration

In this video excerpt from my Executive Group Network workshop, I look at the destructive role of expectations in our lives.

Expectations live in our heads. When we inhabit the world of expectations, we assume others to perform to imagined standards, without their consent. 

For example, I may expect my co-worker to do his job right, or expect a family member to behave a certain way. But without their explicit agreement, expectations are time-bombs of disappointment waiting to go off. They create pressure, resentment and fall-out.

On the other hand - agreements are co-authored between both parties. People give their word and keep it. People honor agreements to a far greater degree than they live up to expectations.

Create a good agreement and both sides win.

EXERCISE

I have edited out the interactive part for confidentiality, but I am sharing  the exercise that I do with them below, so you can also do it at home.

On a blank sheet of paper draw 3 columns. 

On the LHS column write ROLES - then list out the various roles you play in your life e.g. Leader, Parent, Spouse, Child, Friend and Self.

The middle column is headed Expectations of Self - then list out the key expectations you have of yorself under each of these roles e.g. my expectation of myself as a Leader, Parent etc.

The RHS column is headed Expectations Others Have of Me - then write out these key expectations under each role e.g. expectations others have of me as a Leader, Parent etc.

Now review this list. Feel into it. Notice - where are the synergies, and the conflicts.

This next stage is where we make conscious empowered choices. Which of these expectations do you agree to? Circle them and make a committment to them. If this means working with others to move from expectations to agreement, ask yourself which ones would I like to focus on first, and how can I action this?

Now notice, what expectations do I not agree to? Underline them and ask yourself - which of these do I want to let go of? 

Offering thanks and acknowledgment to #SteveChandler and his seminal work on Expectations and Agreements.